The weather is all of a sudden beautiful and therefore I feel an intense obligation to never catch myself inside.
So I sit outside in my dirty backyard full of dog shit and drink bitter, unconvincing French wine and listen to the people scuttle around my neighborhood bouncing basketballs and laughing, obviously enjoying the spring breeze as much as I am. This is how my life has transformed here.
I spent months in turmoil wondering if I was ever destined to have anything resembling a future. Looking over my shoulder and into a past of such an indescribable nature, one so full of awkward silences and beautiful oceans, coveted smiles and the passing of milestones. Enduring was what I would have said of my life ten months ago and yet I knew the minute I left the western most coast of Europe I would be dying to come back. I only wanted some sort of freedom, an elusive idea with blurred edges. Fate I would hope.
To be an individual, to be one among many, but to feel as if I had the keys to my own life for once. I have always been a solitary person by nature, one of those who loves to be around other people almost as much as to be alone only has no idea how to behave around other people.
I cannot say what my exact purpose or even motive in this life is or will be but I am sure I am destined for something even I could not have imagined to be real. Sometimes I wish I could be someone who was sure of their own self, of their own decisions. But I am not blessed with the grounding of a root, but rather the motion of wind.
No comments:
Post a Comment