And so it is here I sit, basked in confusion, sure that I am on the route to learning something hidden underneath layers of emotion. I am restless, disturbed, and swimming in the abyss of emptiness I can’t imagine myself being the only one to feel. Illusion, a word holding the power of everything, flooding just as much as revealing.
I find it interesting how days seem so long when you’ve found yourself doing nothing, yet so short when you spend hours in a stream of activity. When you look back, it seems as though those lost hours spent in constant motion and life were forever ago, whilst those long days feel since yesterday.
I have to accept my future. There is nothing I can do to stop the clock ticking, my stomach from writhing, my mind roving in circles envisioning people’s eyes on me, the stifled air stuck in humiliation. I will not be there, I will be invisible, in the sense that people never think of anyone truly at all times except, of course, for themselves. This is not meant in a manner of insulting, it is just common human ego. When we worry of what others are thinking of us its only our minds looking out through eyes glued to none but ourselves, attached forever, in a massive abyss of molecules delved so deeply they can only pretend to form something visible from the façade of the planet.
